I sleep late in the mornings, and shame is often the only thing that gets me out of bed.
My body hurts a lot in the mornings. I tell myself I'm meditating, or something like it, while I'm, lying there for hours. It never makes me feel any better, but I do the same every morning. The definition of insanity, doing the same thing but expecting different results. Has anyone with a Ph.D actually every made that statement?
They say memories are stored in your body. If its not literally true, there's at least a trigger for memories and emotions all over my body. Don't touch me.
Tolle calls them pain bodies. They hover over our physical bodies like neurotic auras. It's the programming from past trauma, from memories we hold onto because they're too painful to process (or maybe even too pleasant to let go). Maybe it all comes down to shedding your pain body.
I want to rise up, to prove I'm great, to say "fuck you" to the girls that wouldn't fuck me. This draws up some energy, stirs up the reserve tanks, and I'm on fire. But that doesn't come from the source. I think this just adds to my pain body. Or if it doesn't add to it, it certainly doesn't lessen it.
Is there a self sustaining god in me that knows what he wants? That's headed somewhere real? There's too much violence in the question "is God in me?" "God" in the singular, that's too competitive for me. I'm fine with with just a god. One specific to me, he doesn't even need to be omniscient or omni-anything, he just needs to be stronger than I feel.
Who am I besides my poor adjustedness? What if there is a victory attainable in life? As miserable as I feel in the mornings, it's the most I feel my body sometimes.
There's an old bitter voice that says I can never let go of this pain. It says life is a compromise between misery and ecstasy. The voice is both Greek and Christian. "Integration is impossible, and the more discerning beings know this. Give up. Join us."
But dancing, just beyond my sight, are those who live on pure light. They don't acknowledge the victory they've attained, most of them. Maybe they were born like this, forever free. If they worked for it, it seems like memory of that has been taken from them them -- it's unnecessary. We don't need credit for becoming what we were always meant to become, and in truth always were.
What strange beings are these? So far beyond the Platos and the Strausses and the Lewises.
I think Leslie Knope is one.
My body hurts a lot in the mornings. I tell myself I'm meditating, or something like it, while I'm, lying there for hours. It never makes me feel any better, but I do the same every morning. The definition of insanity, doing the same thing but expecting different results. Has anyone with a Ph.D actually every made that statement?
They say memories are stored in your body. If its not literally true, there's at least a trigger for memories and emotions all over my body. Don't touch me.
Tolle calls them pain bodies. They hover over our physical bodies like neurotic auras. It's the programming from past trauma, from memories we hold onto because they're too painful to process (or maybe even too pleasant to let go). Maybe it all comes down to shedding your pain body.
I want to rise up, to prove I'm great, to say "fuck you" to the girls that wouldn't fuck me. This draws up some energy, stirs up the reserve tanks, and I'm on fire. But that doesn't come from the source. I think this just adds to my pain body. Or if it doesn't add to it, it certainly doesn't lessen it.
Is there a self sustaining god in me that knows what he wants? That's headed somewhere real? There's too much violence in the question "is God in me?" "God" in the singular, that's too competitive for me. I'm fine with with just a god. One specific to me, he doesn't even need to be omniscient or omni-anything, he just needs to be stronger than I feel.
Who am I besides my poor adjustedness? What if there is a victory attainable in life? As miserable as I feel in the mornings, it's the most I feel my body sometimes.
There's an old bitter voice that says I can never let go of this pain. It says life is a compromise between misery and ecstasy. The voice is both Greek and Christian. "Integration is impossible, and the more discerning beings know this. Give up. Join us."
But dancing, just beyond my sight, are those who live on pure light. They don't acknowledge the victory they've attained, most of them. Maybe they were born like this, forever free. If they worked for it, it seems like memory of that has been taken from them them -- it's unnecessary. We don't need credit for becoming what we were always meant to become, and in truth always were.
What strange beings are these? So far beyond the Platos and the Strausses and the Lewises.
I think Leslie Knope is one.
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