Is there an interior that must not by any means be shown? What light is there best kept under a bushel basket? Can it shine out in someway which is ultimately harmful to more innocent eyes? BLUE, or RED, PURPLE or GREEN, is there really no shame in any of it? Can I shed shame and not have the world fall to pieces? Is my fear that it will all crash around me derived from my own fear of myself? My fear of my inner horrifyingness, projected somewhere bigger and scarier than ever possible? Isn't that fear the greatest egoism possible? Far more egotistical than what I'm starting to dare to say...
I'm feeling like its starting to all orbit around me, and that is the most wretched and horrifying thing I can imagine telling anyone. How shameful, how indulgent and bourgeoise to claim "I am First," even if you have no intention of saying anyone else is second. Even tho it's barely in my vocabulary, the Hindu "I am He" runs shivers down my spine. Who could stand such impiety, such egoism? even if it is logical and the only metaphysics complicit with science. Perhaps that's the great delusion and seduction of science. Of course it would say "you are first, it's all the same stuff, claim your throne," of course it would be complicit with that. Fear God, even if he is unreal, fear the lack of him. Hold off from that border. Only death, or worse, meaningless life, waits beyond.
"I am He," he nervously claims, and is struck down by lightning. Attempting to maintain his argument, he adds, smoldering in ashes like Wile-E-Coyote, "I did that to myself." And is He wrong?
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